i never have an idea where “it’s” going when we talk and when you asked me my biggest fear i could have sworn you wanted me to know something but i said i never wanted to wake up and not have anyone to call and you left it at that.
(i saw a picture of you the other day; you weren’t smiling and your eyes were still black - i wish i had more to say about it all.)
the past week i’ve been craving sugar like the taste if chocolate in a kiss and the air at christmas-time but settled for cookies at lunch and midnight and sunny d when i should be sleeping. if you were here you’d snort and take away the glass but you’re not and i am staring at my treat through the hole in the plastic lid. i could make some stupid metaphor about the way the gaping hole reminds me of my chest but there’s a bitter taste in my mouth that i haven’t been able to get out for days and if you asked me really what i was feeling the only valid thing would be that there is a massive weight inside if me just floating around. the where and why is questionable.
i finished the cream ages ago but the inside of my mouth tastes like a lemon-ball and i am still craving more. the cup is still a little bit cold in my hands, and when my nails tap against it, it reminds me of last summer.
what is there left to do?
all i want is for the sugar to stay on my tongue.
ok the rest of the year im gonna get my shit together and do hw and this summer im gonna let myself breathe and maybe sleep once in a while and next year i’ll just barrel through to graduation
i like puff puff but i only like the sweet kind idg the kids who like it with sauce or fish like who is feeding u???? do u also eat fufu plain????
i don’t want your name to be just a string of letters don’t want the things i say to you to have been repeated to every friend i talked to that day don’t want my one smile to be wasted on something silly like the jokes on daytime television. i want to say something and make it obvious you’re the only one who gets to hear it. i want to laugh and not get that stupid look. i want to say your name and have it sound like a pledge.